Inward Looking

I am late in sending this out again. By the way, are you noticing a pattern in me? Can you guess why I send emails out late? It is not because I am lazy (well, not exactly). I send these out late because I don't feel up to it. I feel (notice this word "feel") completely inadequate to encourage you all somedays. I am, as C.J. Mahaney mentions is common about us Americans, far better at looking inward than I am at looking outward. I like to live in that subjective reality constantly checking in on my emotions to see how things are going. I live on what he calls a spiritual, emotional, relational rollercoaster. I have been described as "moody." That, I think, is very generous. I think I would describe it as unbelieving and self-centered. "Hi, I'm Charlie, and I have a problem." I feel like I belong in self-centered anonymous.

But I want to learn to be "far better at looking outward than inward." A great preacher of the last century said that the great reason for our depression is that we spend most of our days listening to ourselves instead of talking to ourselves. He means speaking truth to ourselves, not merely being mumblers. I confess I am very poor at this. Which is probably the main reason I choose to write about the Gospel in these devotions as much as I can--I need to be reminded to look outward! And I assume the same is true of you. The Gospel is the greatest Truth that we are allowed to look into, but it requires taking our eyes off of ourselves. To "abide hard by the cross" is how Spurgeon said it. So this time, though I was preparing to write about Joash and his fickleness, I am coming out from hiding behind Joash, uncovering my reason for that idea, and cutting to my heart. I hope you all can appreciate that. Perhaps there is some application in here; I hope it serves you. My goal is not so much to be excellent in your eyes or to sound pretty, as it is to be real. Why should you all honor me anyway? I DIDN'T DIE FOR YOUR SINS!